Wednesday, 17 May 2017

To the girl who will settle for nothing less than the best

I’m 10 days out from my first competition of the season and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about myself during this prep is just how hard I am on myself. I’ve had to make a real concerted effort over the last 2-3 weeks to give myself a break, mentally as things reached a bit of an unhealthy point for me. And before anyone starts, it’s nothing to do with ‘self-love’ and all that stuff that we read about all the time as I have a good relationship with myself overall. It purely comes down to a personal drive to be the best, to do the best I can, to constantly be pushing myself. And that’s not always a bad thing; I would much rather be this way than never aim for anything, but it’s not always a good thing either.
Photo: John Gardner Photography
I’ve spent the last few weeks repeatedly challenging my own thoughts and beliefs, on purpose, so that I can be a bit kinder to myself. I wanted to share a few of those messages I’ve been trying to tell myself on a daily basis so this is written from the ‘kinder’ Rebecca to the ‘unless-you’re-on-verge-of-collapse-you’re-not-trying-hard-enough’ Rebecca.
I hope that you learn to take time to look after your mental wellbeing as much as your physical wellbeing.
It’s okay to spend half an hour…what the hell, an hour or two even, on the sofa, just relaxing and taking that time to allow yourself to switch off from the world. You don’t always have to be doing something and that’s just as important for both your mental and physical health as exercising and eating healthy is.
I hope that you learn to be a little more selfish sometimes.
I think we’re all guilty of this from time to time. How many times do we do things to keep others happy or because we feel we should do something when actually we don’t want to do it? I’ve learnt to say no a little more over the last month or two and to stop and think what do I WANT to do? You can’t be something to everybody all of the time otherwise you cut yourself so thin that you’re actually not that much use to anyone and you’re definitely not much use to yourself.
I hope that you’re proud of how far you’ve come rather than always looking at how far you have to go.
What screwed my mind up a few weeks ago was thinking I wasn’t good enough. Looking at photos on social media of other figure girls and marking myself down. In that respect, last year was much easier as I didn’t know any other competitors and last year I competed purely for the challenge and accomplishment of doing so. But in typical Rebecca fashion, that was never going to be good enough and so this year it wasn’t about getting through the prep, I knew I could do that, it was about being better. And it started off with me just wanting to be better than last year’s me but then I found myself putting so much pressure on myself to be better than those around me too and that’s not healthy. I’m all for competition and ambition but I had to really pull myself back, with the help of my coach to just focus on me. I looked at where I was 18 months ago when I began training with my coach and after doing no bodybuilding-style training ever before and after a year of travelling, we got me ready for stage within 6 months. That was no easy job and to place in a strong line up of girls too, I really didn’t expect that. We’ve refocused my mind and shifted my attention back onto me, and only me, and that’s where it needs to be.
September 2015 to April 2017
I hope you come to realise sooner rather than later that you’re not superwoman and you don’t have to be the best at everything nor do you have to take on so much all of the time.
I’ve always known I take on a bit too much but it’s not until this prep that it really hit me just how much I do take on and whereas before I’ve laughed it off when people have challenged me on it, this time I actually found myself frustrated and a bit disappointed in myself for allowing it to happen. My job demands a lot of me and very rarely do I actually just work my paid hours each week. And it’s not just the number of hours worked, it’s the mental energy my job demands too. I can’t just have ‘off’ days where I can take it easy in the office; I have teams to manage, areas of work that I’m responsible for, meetings to attend, reports to write, the list goes on and I’m very mindful that my job is about people’s lives at the end of the day, it’s not something to ever be taken lightly and I take much pride in my work. Throw in a Master’s degree into the equation which I’m trying to fit in too and then bodybuilding competition prep and I’m not sure how I’ve actually got through the last 20 weeks. And this isn’t a sob story or looking for sympathy, these are all my choices I get that, but sometimes I just need to take a step back and learn how to prioritise. I think I forget that I’m only 26 and have a lifetime (hopefully!) to do things; not everything needs to be done as of yesterday.
These are things I’m reminding myself of daily and for anyone that struggles with similar issues; some of the practical things I’ve done to try and help myself are the following.
·         I switched my training to a morning. This has surprisingly helped massively as yes I have to do the same amount of things in a day but by getting up that bit earlier and going to train before work, I find I have more energy to train and it gives me my evenings free so that I can relax or I can see friends. The gym is also much quieter at that time too so I find I’m in a better state for training and can use it to relax my mind ahead of the day.
·         Sleep, sleep, sleep. I’ve always made sure I get enough sleep but especially lately, I’ve made sure I’m in bed for 9pm most nights. Even if I don’t go to sleep straight away, it relaxes me to make sure I have a good night’s sleep. I get at least 7 hours of sleep per night and it makes such a difference. Yes I appreciate 9pm bedtimes impacts on social life but we are talking about competition prep now and so no it’s not something I will do forever but to help me during prep, it’s been a good part of my routine.
·         Learn to say no. Lately if I haven’t wanted to do something I haven’t done it. This I found more difficult to start with as I don’t like letting people down or saying no to things but sometimes you have to for your own good. Real friends will understand.
So, I’m 10 days out now and I’m in a much better place mentally than I was a few weeks ago. I still have my struggles and I still have my anxieties for post-comp but I’m thinking them through and trying to prepare for them now as I feel that’s a part of bodybuilding that people don’t give enough focus to – the post-comp mental battle. I haven’t decided about other competitions yet; one step at a time for now.
I always will be ambitious and I’m glad that’s part of who I am, I just need a better balance in my life sometimes and I’m working on that. But no doubt whatsoever that fire in my belly will always be there; that drive, that passion, that need to succeed. So whilst I’ve come so far on this journey and taken time to reflect; 7 months of hard work in off-season, 20 weeks of dieting almost complete and just 10 days to go. In my eyes, the real journey starts now, the 10 day journey to give it my all on that stage. This isn’t the end, this is just the beginning.

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