Wednesday, 17 May 2017

To the girl who will settle for nothing less than the best

I’m 10 days out from my first competition of the season and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about myself during this prep is just how hard I am on myself. I’ve had to make a real concerted effort over the last 2-3 weeks to give myself a break, mentally as things reached a bit of an unhealthy point for me. And before anyone starts, it’s nothing to do with ‘self-love’ and all that stuff that we read about all the time as I have a good relationship with myself overall. It purely comes down to a personal drive to be the best, to do the best I can, to constantly be pushing myself. And that’s not always a bad thing; I would much rather be this way than never aim for anything, but it’s not always a good thing either.
 
Photo: John Gardner Photography
 
I’ve spent the last few weeks repeatedly challenging my own thoughts and beliefs, on purpose, so that I can be a bit kinder to myself. I wanted to share a few of those messages I’ve been trying to tell myself on a daily basis so this is written from the ‘kinder’ Rebecca to the ‘unless-you’re-on-verge-of-collapse-you’re-not-trying-hard-enough’ Rebecca.
 
I hope that you learn to take time to look after your mental wellbeing as much as your physical wellbeing.
 
It’s okay to spend half an hour…what the hell, an hour or two even, on the sofa, just relaxing and taking that time to allow yourself to switch off from the world. You don’t always have to be doing something and that’s just as important for both your mental and physical health as exercising and eating healthy is.
 
I hope that you learn to be a little more selfish sometimes.
 
I think we’re all guilty of this from time to time. How many times do we do things to keep others happy or because we feel we should do something when actually we don’t want to do it? I’ve learnt to say no a little more over the last month or two and to stop and think what do I WANT to do? You can’t be something to everybody all of the time otherwise you cut yourself so thin that you’re actually not that much use to anyone and you’re definitely not much use to yourself.
 
I hope that you’re proud of how far you’ve come rather than always looking at how far you have to go.
 
What screwed my mind up a few weeks ago was thinking I wasn’t good enough. Looking at photos on social media of other figure girls and marking myself down. In that respect, last year was much easier as I didn’t know any other competitors and last year I competed purely for the challenge and accomplishment of doing so. But in typical Rebecca fashion, that was never going to be good enough and so this year it wasn’t about getting through the prep, I knew I could do that, it was about being better. And it started off with me just wanting to be better than last year’s me but then I found myself putting so much pressure on myself to be better than those around me too and that’s not healthy. I’m all for competition and ambition but I had to really pull myself back, with the help of my coach to just focus on me. I looked at where I was 18 months ago when I began training with my coach and after doing no bodybuilding-style training ever before and after a year of travelling, we got me ready for stage within 6 months. That was no easy job and to place in a strong line up of girls too, I really didn’t expect that. We’ve refocused my mind and shifted my attention back onto me, and only me, and that’s where it needs to be.
 
September 2015 to April 2017
 
 
I hope you come to realise sooner rather than later that you’re not superwoman and you don’t have to be the best at everything nor do you have to take on so much all of the time.
 
I’ve always known I take on a bit too much but it’s not until this prep that it really hit me just how much I do take on and whereas before I’ve laughed it off when people have challenged me on it, this time I actually found myself frustrated and a bit disappointed in myself for allowing it to happen. My job demands a lot of me and very rarely do I actually just work my paid hours each week. And it’s not just the number of hours worked, it’s the mental energy my job demands too. I can’t just have ‘off’ days where I can take it easy in the office; I have teams to manage, areas of work that I’m responsible for, meetings to attend, reports to write, the list goes on and I’m very mindful that my job is about people’s lives at the end of the day, it’s not something to ever be taken lightly and I take much pride in my work. Throw in a Master’s degree into the equation which I’m trying to fit in too and then bodybuilding competition prep and I’m not sure how I’ve actually got through the last 20 weeks. And this isn’t a sob story or looking for sympathy, these are all my choices I get that, but sometimes I just need to take a step back and learn how to prioritise. I think I forget that I’m only 26 and have a lifetime (hopefully!) to do things; not everything needs to be done as of yesterday.
 
These are things I’m reminding myself of daily and for anyone that struggles with similar issues; some of the practical things I’ve done to try and help myself are the following.
 
·         I switched my training to a morning. This has surprisingly helped massively as yes I have to do the same amount of things in a day but by getting up that bit earlier and going to train before work, I find I have more energy to train and it gives me my evenings free so that I can relax or I can see friends. The gym is also much quieter at that time too so I find I’m in a better state for training and can use it to relax my mind ahead of the day.
 
 
 
·         Sleep, sleep, sleep. I’ve always made sure I get enough sleep but especially lately, I’ve made sure I’m in bed for 9pm most nights. Even if I don’t go to sleep straight away, it relaxes me to make sure I have a good night’s sleep. I get at least 7 hours of sleep per night and it makes such a difference. Yes I appreciate 9pm bedtimes impacts on social life but we are talking about competition prep now and so no it’s not something I will do forever but to help me during prep, it’s been a good part of my routine.
 
·         Learn to say no. Lately if I haven’t wanted to do something I haven’t done it. This I found more difficult to start with as I don’t like letting people down or saying no to things but sometimes you have to for your own good. Real friends will understand.
 
So, I’m 10 days out now and I’m in a much better place mentally than I was a few weeks ago. I still have my struggles and I still have my anxieties for post-comp but I’m thinking them through and trying to prepare for them now as I feel that’s a part of bodybuilding that people don’t give enough focus to – the post-comp mental battle. I haven’t decided about other competitions yet; one step at a time for now.
 
I always will be ambitious and I’m glad that’s part of who I am, I just need a better balance in my life sometimes and I’m working on that. But no doubt whatsoever that fire in my belly will always be there; that drive, that passion, that need to succeed. So whilst I’ve come so far on this journey and taken time to reflect; 7 months of hard work in off-season, 20 weeks of dieting almost complete and just 10 days to go. In my eyes, the real journey starts now, the 10 day journey to give it my all on that stage. This isn’t the end, this is just the beginning.

Sunday, 26 March 2017

What a difference a year makes. 12 weeks down. 9 weeks to go.

“You’re much nicer than you was last year”.
 
This was a comment my mum made recently. I couldn’t disagree with her to be honest on either account that a) I was horrible last year and b) I wasn’t so horrible this year.
 
One of my biggest fears going into prep this year was that I knew how hard I found it last year. It’s no exaggeration when I say it was the hardest thing I’d ever done and for the majority of prep I really did not enjoy it. Because of that, I became a nightmare to be around. I was pleasant when I had to be i.e. at work I would switch on my professional mode and walk around with a smile on my face most of the time, even if deep down my patience levels were at around -15. At home I was moody, snappy and it’s fair to say an absolute cow at times. My poor parents received the backlash from this and I think they were probably equally as nervous about me going back on prep this year as I was, wondering at what point their daughter would turn into the devil yet again.
 
So it’s surprising for me (and a relief for everyone else) that I’ve been dieting for 12 weeks and I’m still a pleasure to be around (yes, I determined this, thank you). Most of my blog posts of late have been quite topical as I realise it can get a little boring just reading about my progress week in and week out. However, today, at 12 weeks in, I felt it to be timely to write an update on this year’s prep, how I’ve found it and how I’m feeling.
 
March 2016 to March 2017
 
 
So why has it been so different this year? I’d say there are three big reasons overall.
 
1.    Diet.
 
Because I remained in shape (relatively) during off-season and had a good 7 months of building after my competition last May before I started back on prep, I put my body in a good position of not having as much fat to shed this year. This means calories are much higher than they were this time last year so I’m not as hungry. In addition a big factor in my diet has been variety. I did a lot of research in off-season on diet and training which opened my eyes to different ways of cutting and the flexibility you can have. In addition, my coach very much promoted flexible dieting with me in off-season so I continued tracking calories and macros but didn’t have to deprive myself so much. Clearly on prep I have had to give some things up but in comparison to this time last year when my lunches were the same every day and not long after so were my dinners, this year I eat a variety of meals during the week. These tend to revolve around similar foods i.e. beef mince, turkey mince, chicken, rice, pasta, potato etc. but having the variety has made a huge difference.
 
In addition, this year I don’t prep any of my meals myself. A local company was recommended to me at the start of the year who prepares meals in line with your calories and macros. Some people I know do not agree with this, questioning how you can be sure of calories and macros if you’re not preparing it yourself however as you’d expect I checked all this out with the company before I started using them and 12 weeks in, so far so good. This has made a huge difference to my prep, not having to put aside time each weekend to prepare my meals or start cooking after work and not only that, but they taste a whole lot better than anything I could cook, believe me.
 
2.    Cardio
 
…Or the lack of it, should I say. This time last year I was doing 40 minutes fasted cardio every morning (5 days per week) and then 20 minutes cardio after each weight session (5 times per week). I had a lot of body fat to lose last year after coming home from a year of travelling, in the October, going on prep in January and having my first competition in May. I had little muscle mass in comparison too after almost a year off weight training so my metabolism wasn’t the best. This year, at the moment during a week I probably do 45 minutes cardio at Bootcamp (which I do all year round anyway), a couple of 20 minute sessions on the stair master and a couple of outdoor walks (which again, I do all year round anyway). So in comparison, it’s hardly anything. Not only does this free up more of my time for other things but I’m not as physically exhausted from training so much and on such low calories. I see a lot of girls doing a lot of cardio on prep and it’s each to their own and whatever works for each individual but I want to keep cardio to a minimum where I can to ensure I don’t start chipping away at that muscle I’ve worked so hard to build.
 
3.     Mind set
 
Last but certainly not least, my mind set. Last year I wasn’t sure for a couple of months at the start of the year whether I was going to compete or not so my mind wasn’t as focused. I slipped up with my diet a few times and I didn’t have the same accountability as it wasn’t until mid-February that I decided I would definitely compete. Looking back, I don’t think my mind set was that great at all last year during prep, I resented the process and having never competed before I didn’t know much about bodybuilding at all if I’m honest, I didn’t know whether it would be worth it on the day or what my body needed to look like. As I’ve said before, I did it purely for the challenge but because of all of the above and added to that I’d only recently returned home from Australia and I was rebuilding my life, it all felt very hard to me. This year I had a lot of time in off-season to reflect, to refocus my mind, to think about what I wanted, what I wanted to do different, why I wanted to do it again and because of that I went into prep on 1 January completely focused on the next 21 weeks.
 
It’s felt strange at times this year, sometimes thinking to myself; okay where’s the catch? This is too easy this year. I haven’t really craved any food that I’m not allowed and I haven’t found myself getting to the same stages of hanger that I did last year. I’ve been able to go about my normal life and that’s one thing I’m very grateful and glad of. Last year I found it difficult being around normal food. Even to go shopping for a couple of hours I would see cakes and sweets and chocolate all around me and I would hate it so I just didn’t bother going. I couldn’t go round to my parents until I knew they’d finished eating because I resented the fact they were eating the foods I wanted but wasn’t allowed. I would avoid social situations as I just found myself frustrated. This year has been completely different and yesterday for example I went out with my Mum and Nan for Mother’s Day to a local cafĂ© and actually helped my Mum pick out the nicest ice-cream sundae from the menu. Last year I would have probably thrown it at her if she had ordered that in front of me haha.
 
 
Enjoying a coffee with my Mum in this afternoon's sunshine.
 
 
And I think one of the biggest differences with that this year is that I know why I’m doing it and I know it will be worth it. I know what differences I want to see in my body when I’m up on stage this year and I know what I need to do in order to get there. Things became much easier when my thought process shifted from ‘I can’t have that’ to ‘I don’t want that’. I know this year the elation I felt when I was on stage last year and how much it all meant to me. I know no ice-cream sundae could ever give me that feeling.
 
Thanks for reading. I hope you’ve all enjoyed the glorious weather we’ve had this weekend and I’ll keep you updated with how things progress over the next 9 weeks. Time flies when you’re having fun.
 
Posing practice last week at Ian Duckett's workshop
 

Friday, 17 March 2017

From the Boardroom to bodybuilding. The battle of my passions.

Last week was another reminder of the contrast my life brings. I spent the day in London for a national NHS conference, listening to inspirational speakers, sharing best-practice with colleagues and showcasing some great work done by our organisation over the last 18 months. At lunchtime the hot buffet came out and as everyone chatted over sausage rolls and sandwiches, I snuck out onto the gardens and sat eating my cold turkey mince, pasta and broccoli. I left the room for two reasons. Firstly, I didn’t want to watch everyone enjoying the delicious foods that I couldn’t have. And secondly because it avoids me having to explain why I’m not eating it and possibly enter into the uncomfortable discussions around my competitive bodybuilding lifestyle.
 
I say uncomfortable because that’s how I often feel discussing bodybuilding to people outside of my circle. Some of it may be in my head but I often feel that people maybe judge the sport in a negative way because if you don’t know much about it, then people’s stereotypes are often way off the mark. When I first mentioned bodybuilding to my mum, she asked ‘isn’t it seedy though?’ I guess people only see bodybuilders parading on stage wearing high heels and a bikini and so I can see why people might have those misconceptions. And it makes me wonder if other people will view it that way too and then I wonder how does that reflect on me trying to have a professional career?
 
It’s one thing I’ve struggled to balance in my head and I try as much as possible to keep the two very separate. I love my job working as Head of Investigations & Learning for Yorkshire Ambulance Service. I love the work I get involved with, I work with some great people and there’s always a new challenge for me to get my teeth into. Having a career has been important to me over the last 8 years since I joined the NHS and having climbed up the career ladder to a senior management position at a relatively young age, it’s one of my biggest achievements. I put my all into my job and spend countless hours perfecting pieces of work, doing things for my team and just trying to do the best job I can possibly do.
 
 
Last year: one week launching a new project, the next week up on stage.
 
 
Over the last 18 months bodybuilding has become something that I’m equally passionate about. Training and keeping fit is something that brings me so much enjoyment and pushing myself to be the best I can be through competitive bodybuilding has brought me so much satisfaction in a short period of time.
 
People at work know I compete and those that I’m close to at work know the ins and outs of it and also become a solid support network for me throughout competition prep. They know me well as a person though so I feel comfortable about sharing that aspect of my life as I know it’s absolutely not judged. I don’t feel so comfortable when it comes to people wider than that circle for the reasons I’ve stated earlier in my post and it has worried me before whether my professionalism or credibility as a manager will be questioned because of the sport I choose to partake in.
 
No one has ever said anything to suggest it has been questioned it’s just something I’m aware of and I guess I have always been aware of other factors during my career that people may judge me on. As I said, I have climbed the career ladder at a young age and over the years this has sometimes led to comments towards me (never actually said to me, surprisingly) regarding my ability as a senior manager in my twenties. I’ve never felt the need to answer or justify any of those critics as I let my work do the talking. That coupled with being female has also left me open to critics in what has been a predominantly male environment. I have to say I have been supported tremendously by the majority of people I work with and never have I had the battles that I read about some female managers in the workplace having. There have been two occasions that I can recall where I feel that being a young, female manager has left me answering questions that I shouldn’t have had to answer and that I perhaps wouldn’t have had to answer had I been older or male. However, the quality of my work has never been in dispute.
 
I don’t discuss my bodybuilding at work unless someone asks me about it as I don’t like to draw attention to it and for me it’s just a part of who I am and what my lifestyle is, it doesn’t affect my work. However, I very much believe everyone should be able to be exactly who they are and not be judged for it so I have had this battle in my head several times over the last 18 months with part of me thinking no don’t talk about it and then the other part of me thinking, actually hell no I shouldn’t have to hide it, it doesn’t affect my work one bit and I should be proud of having two big passions in my life. And I absolutely am proud of that.
 
I have seen many managers in the NHS over the years who perhaps will be your ‘stereotypical’ NHS manager if that even exists. But when I say that I mean well dressed, older, many years of NHS experience, very ‘corporate’, I’m sure you all can imagine what I mean and in actual fact they have been in my opinion poor managers and not the most capable. In contrast I have been lucky to work with less stereotypical managers too, perhaps younger managers, from different backgrounds with different experiences who don’t always ‘toe the corporate line’ and they’ve actually been great managers and awesome at their jobs.
 
So as I head into my second year of competitive bodybuilding I try and embrace both of my passions and celebrate the fact that I am able to do both and that perhaps both together aren’t the typical combination but if by the age of 30 I’ve worked my a**e off to get to a respected position within the NHS, an organisation which I am immensely proud of and if I have a couple of bodybuilding trophies to go alongside that, I’ll consider that not a bad effort.
 

Sunday, 5 March 2017

It's all in your head!

Each week, one in six adults will experience symptoms of a common mental health problem for example anxiety or depression. (Mental Health Foundation, 2016). Despite an increase in people accessing treatment, around a third of all people with a mental health problem have sought no professional help at all. Perhaps that’s through a lack of provision, people not knowing where to seek help or perhaps some of it comes down to people not acknowledging they need help or being too embarrassed to ask for it. I’m sure there are plenty of reasons out there but hopefully over the next 5-10 years we will see a further shift in perceptions of mental health, as I believe we have done over recent years.
 
Whilst the above statistics may suggest people are not accessing the relevant services, I certainly feel there is an increased awareness of mental health, certainly in some areas; sport being one of them.
 
You may wonder what on earth mental health has to do with bodybuilding as primarily that’s what I use my blog to talk about but in actual fact, I think mental health has a lot to do with bodybuilding, as it does every sport out there. A few conversations over recent weeks with a number of different people have prompted me to think more about this and how our mental wellbeing can affect our performance in sport and equally how our performance can affect our mental wellbeing.
 
 
NPA Yorkshire 2016 Trained Figure Class 2 - Top 6
 
As a keen follower of rugby league, it’s great to see the extensive work taking place on promoting positive mental health in the game. Charities such as State of Mind have really led the way in this respect, entering into previous unchartered territories within a sport that is renowned for it’s brutal, no-nonsense, ‘tough guy’ approach. I read an insightful article earlier in the week by Raj Bains who talks about how rugby league is embracing mental health at the heart of the sport and breaking those stereotypes associated with the game. (The article is definitely worth a read https://sports.vice.com/en_uk/article/shattering-stereotypes-breaking-barriers-how-rugby-league-is-embracing-mental-health)
 
It’s a relief to see so much emphasis being placed on supporting the mental health & wellbeing of sports people as I feel it’s a side that often gets forgotten. We rarely see what goes on behind the scene and even less frequently do we acknowledge those battles that people might face away from the end result we all see.
 
I was talking to a guy at my gym a few days ago. I used to work with him many years ago, back before my career entered into the depths of the NHS, at a professional rugby league club. A coach at the time, with many years under his belt as a professional player, he is now still involved with the game and we got chatting this week as we have done on many occasions over the last year whilst at the gym, about our training goals, about rugby and about competing. We got talking about the mental side of bodybuilding and how much of this sport comes down to just that. How much willpower do you have? How many sacrifices are you prepared to make? Have you got what it takes in those dark moments when you’re in the midst of a 20 week diet and times get tough, to push through to the very end? I can honestly say from my first season bodybuilding last year, it comes down to your mental approach 100%, or it certainly did for me. Yes you have to train and diet accordingly but if your mind isn’t in the game, you will not get there.
 
During prep last year I had many ups and downs. I had a few very low points where I questioned whether I could continue and I felt very isolated and lonely on many occasions throughout that 20 weeks. Despite having great friends and family around me and an excellent coach, it’s an individual sport and only you can do what needs to be done. It didn’t help my mental state as I found it hard to be in social situations surrounded by food and drink and going into this year I was genuinely scared and anxious about socially isolating myself again. I’ve made a concerted effort this year to continue my life as normal, so much as I can and so far I’ve dealt with it all much better.
 
Finding workarounds and still being able to enjoy 'normal' things with my friends, while on prep has helped massively this year!
 
 There is plenty of focus on preparation for competition. However, there is rarely much focus about the aftermath. For many, this is where the real mental battle kicks in. When you step on stage the image you display is merely that; an image created during a set process and for many of us that image isn’t sustainable, nor is it healthy. I had a love/hate relationship with my show-day body last year. I didn’t enjoy no longer filling out some of my clothes and I didn’t enjoy losing some of those curves that naturally we all have when living a more balanced lifestyle. Of particular concern for me was the hormonal imbalance I experience and the effects that had on my body.
 
However, all that being said I’m not going to lie I absolutely loved having abs, fitting into clothes that hadn’t fit me for a couple of years and being able to wear crops without a care in the world. It was of great satisfaction knowing my muscles had more definition because there was less fat to hide them away and I just enjoyed the overall feeling of being lean especially after gaining weight the year previous whilst travelling. And slowly but surely over the course of 20 weeks, you get used to being this lean. Whilst I knew I would put on a little bit of weight after my competition, perhaps naively I thought I would remain roughly the same barring a couple of pounds. I was wrong.
 
After my first show last year, my diet wasn’t as controlled as I would have liked in reverse dieting. I don’t give myself a hard time for this as I’d dieted for 20 weeks and found it extremely tough, so naturally; I enjoyed my food afterwards but within the space of even 2-3 weeks I had lost a lot of that leanness. I was still fit and in shape but of course some of that definition was lost. My body thanked me for this and thankfully my hormones balanced out pretty soon afterwards, mentally I had much more energy and felt ‘back to normal’ again within a few weeks. But it was hard over those following months, mentally coming to terms with my body looking different and carrying more fat than I had been used to. I underestimated how difficult I would find this aspect and I can honestly say it probably took me until about November to truly embrace having curves again and carrying the extra weight, by which point it was almost time to get back on prep for this year.
 
Moving away from the aesthetics, it’s equally as challenging when competing in sport is no longer part of your life. When you’re in any sporting industry it often takes up a huge part of your life, not just in a sense of time, but in your mind too. It’s your focus day in and day out and for most, the rest of your life revolves around it so it can be a big adjustment when that’s no longer the case and I imagine I’ll find that somewhat challenging when I no longer compete. I suspect most retired competitive bodybuilders continue to live an active lifestyle as it’s something we all love doing, which is partly why we enter into the sport in the first place. But naturally I’m sure it’s a tough challenge mentally when you’re no longer focused on getting your body into such an optimum condition worthy of being on stage. And part of it comes down to identify for some people too. In a conversation I had with a fellow bodybuilder recently she posed the question ‘so who am I if I’m not a bodybuilder?’ and I think that’s a fair point. If you no longer compete or play sport to the level you’re used to, you potentially feel that you lose a sense of your identity.
 
I wanted to write this post to highlight the struggles that come with bodybuilding and all other sports really. And for it to maybe resonate with some individuals that it’s okay to feel that way and to not feel afraid or embarrassed to ask for support, even if that’s just speaking to a friend about how you feel. It doesn’t always mean accessing professional support; we all have struggles in life from time to time and it’s important to call upon our support network for help as otherwise problems can escalate and become more prominent issues in our lives. I also hope that maybe for some people reading this it will prompt you to think twice before judging other people or making flippant comments towards people’s image or the decisions they make in life. Or maybe just that people can be a bit kinder sometimes to people and understand that people might have battles that you know nothing about – and that doesn’t just apply to sport, that’s life in general.
 

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

A typical day in the life (and mind) of a bodybuilder on prep.

Now I’ve been bodybuilding for a year or so, I often get asked by people what it involves and often they’re pretty surprised at everything that comes with the sport, especially during prep. I watch with amusement their reaction to certain things as I remember the same horror that appeared on my face on a weekly basis (possibly even daily) as I went through my first prep last year and learned just how f**ked up it can be at times.
 
It’s also interesting to learn how glamorous people imagine the sport to be. How wrong can they be? It’s quite ironic really that in actual fact the glamour of the whole thing probably last 60 minutes, if that, on show day and the rest of the time you’re worn out from training, grumpy from not having pizza or cake for months on end, putting on make-up seems to take all the effort in the world…in fact, putting on anything other than gym attire takes all the effort in the world and hunger strikes so much at the end that you look like some sort of junkie as you sit there desperately sniffing anything containing sugar in an attempt to get your latest fix. Okay, maybe that’s just me then. But regardless, it’s anything but glamorous for most of the time.
 
Here I’ve documented what a typical day in my life looks like (and the weird and wonderful thoughts that I have along the way – in fact I’m hoping these are pretty tame really considering I’m only 6.5 weeks into prep and it’s actually not been that bad so far).
 
05:15 – Daily wake-up call.
 
Wow DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness). DOMS everywhere. It’s just a daily pain you learn to live with when training heavy but never-the-less you can guarantee you will always feel pain in muscles you didn’t even know existed, from one week to the next. Okay, quick browse through social media as I slowly wake-up. Fitness inspiration throughout my Instagram feed (yes, feeling very motivated). Food porn then takes over the rest of the Instagram feed (wow, new found hate for life as I drool over the ice-cream filled cookies covered in melted chocolate that I’ll not be getting near for a long time yet). I wonder if I’ve lost weight today? Really desperate for a wee this morning so hopefully plenty of fluid to come out which should help the loss, right? (I did warn the thoughts were weird and wonderful – okay maybe just weird). Get out of bed, nip to the toilet, strip off down to my knickers (don’t want any extra weight from the pyjamas of course) and jump on the scales. Not before having a quick check in the mirror to see if I have abs yet though. So no weight drop today. Clearly the scales must be wrong as I even did CARDIO yesterday. WTF. I never do cardio. I expect half a stone to have immediately dropped off in 24 hours. Okay, so maybe not half a stone, but at least something, come on. Try the scales in a different corner of the bathroom…and again…nope! Time to accept it is what it is for today, I’ve got the rest of the week to go (mentally trying to re-assure myself as I balance a mix of emotions of anxiety and pure anger at this discovery). Anyway, no time to dwell, on with the rest of my day.
 
Always up before the sun
 
 
06:15 – Breakfast
 
That balance between eating early enough so I can get to work on time and then thinking wow, eating this early means a long day to space out meals through the day. Eat slowly to extend the last mouthful to 06:30 perhaps? Seems fair enough. I enjoy every mouthful of my breakfast as it’s one of my favourite meals of the day and I enjoy that bit of peace and quiet on the morning before the rest of the world (okay my immediate friends and family) wake-up as it gives me time to clear my head for the day and organise myself and my thoughts.
 
07:15 – Work, Work, Work
 
Off I go to work, loadened up like I’m moving in for the week (although it pretty much feels like that would be a better option at the moment with the hours I spend there) with my abundance of meals for the day. These have all been prepped and calculated days in advance so I know exactly what I’m having, how much of it and at what times. In off-season it’s a little more relaxed which helps when I’m in and out of meetings as I can feed up before if I know I’ve got an afternoon of meetings. On prep it doesn’t quite work like that so if a meeting gets planned, I will be bringing food. I’m not sure how great this looked yesterday when I turned up for a meeting with my Executive Director and Deputy Director armed with my peanut butter and rice cakes (word of advice do not try and rush a bite of this down as peanut butter is not the easiest thing in the world to rush down when it’s sticking to the roof of your mouth as you try and explain complaints handling). They actually didn’t bat an eyelid at me bringing in my supplies; standard acceptance of it these days, they know when the girl needs to eat, the girl needs to eat.
 
Now I can’t say there’s so much a standard acceptance of my ‘tank’ of water I carry around with me EVERYWHERE. Without fail my 2 litre bottle comes to every meeting with me and it’s got to a point where I feel like labelling it up with a sticker that says ‘Yes it is a big bottle, I will go through approximately 2 of these per day, yes it is actually healthy for me to drink such a large quantity but thanks for your concern and yes I am at the toilet all the time’.
 
Standard meeting set up: the 'tank' comes everywhere!
 
Okay so it’s 09:00 I’ve not been at work 2 hours yet and I’m hungry already. Three hours until it’s lunchtime. I’m never going to last that long. Two snacks for the day as well as lunch. Is it too early to have one of them? No, it’s almost 3 hours since breakfast. But then that’s another 120 calories gone and then I’ll have to wait another 3 hours until lunchtime. The struggle is real. For any fellow bodybuilders out there, you will understand the importance of timing your meals throughout the day. It’s a rookie mistake if you get it wrong and you’ll no doubt end up painfully hangry by the end of the day – a state I’m conscious not to get into when I’m at work as that is one dangerous state to be in and I don’t fancy picking up my P45 anytime soon.
 
The work canteen is a place to avoid on prep. It’s bad enough on normal days but then they decide to have the themed days as well, you know just to rub it in a little. Indian day, wow what I would do for a full-fat curry and naan bread. Or Italian day (crying a little over the thought of pizza right now) and it goes on. Not to mention the stacks of Haribo on offer and even the mini Nutella in the fridge (yes I probably can name every item of food in that canteen). Sometimes it’s not enough avoiding the canteen however as people often bring food back-up to the office. I’m not sure I’m always mentally prepared for this; in fact I’m definitely not given I completely paused mid-conversation on the telephone yesterday for a good 10 seconds as I got distracted by someone walking past with a bag of Hula-Hoops. Damn you!
 
17:00 – Home Time!
 
Well it’s not home time really is it? Because now it’s time to go train. Generally I finish work between 16:30 and 18:00 depending on my diary for the day and how busy I am. As prep progresses, I have to be strict with myself in terms of what time I finish work as towards the end when I’m running on empty, working 9-10 hour days and then having to go train just does not work. I learnt that the hard way last year so it’s something I’ll be mindful of this year. I love training though. This is the easiest and often most enjoyable part of my day. When I say easy I don’t actually mean easy as hip thrusting 90kg after squats and lunges is never easy, but mentally it’s the easy bit for me. Being in an office all day I love to get up and move my body and let off some steam. I spend around an hour in the gym each night and I train 6 days per week. Weights done, should I do some abs? There’s no need really, remember abs are made in the kitchen. No, Rebecca, do some abs, you’ve got to tighten that core. Guilt-tripped by myself I finish off with 10 minutes of abs. I then have the same mental battle about posing. I don’t do it every night at the moment, but I’m trying to spend at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week working to improve it. Again, not as glamorous as people might think as often it involves me stood in my front room at home, with my Primark bikini on, looking pale AF, half my make-up sweated off and with these big stripper shoes on trying to pull-off the perfect front-double-bicep. Not quite the same look as when you’re on stage all bronzed, looking ridiculously lean, immaculate make-up, with nice jewellery on and your hair all done.
 
Not quite so glamorous as they look here when they're teamed up with an unmatching Primark bikini for posing practice.
 
 
19:00 – Dinner, bath & bed
 
Time to eat and savour the last meal of the day. I don’t want to eat too late as maybe I’ll end up heavier in the morning. I’ll eat now as soon as I get in and then maybe a hot bath will help dehydrate me a bit (seriously, the things that go through my mind!). Comfies on and I like to be in bed by 21:00. Often I collapse into bed at this time, catch up on some of my favourite YouTube videos, catch up on social media and then doze off not long after. I’m very strict with myself about getting to bed at a reasonable time. Rest and recovery is a huge part of bodybuilding and often a part that gets forgotten about. As I get up around 5am I like to make sure I get at least 7 hours sleep every night so that means early bed times, often. Through the week I don’t really have much of a social life. My life revolves around working, training and resting through the week which is perfectly fine with me as I need to do that in order to keep my life on track. I save all my wild antics for the weekend…and when I say wild I mean more sleep, more training, the occasional coffee and even sometimes venturing out into the realms of the general public (although I avoid this where possible haha). In all seriousness, bodybuilding prep does dictate most of your life and I’m okay with that for now. It isn’t what I’ll always want and I’ve made more effort this year to still go out and do things and socialise even if I can’t eat or drink what I would normally. So far I’m almost 7 weeks into prep and it’s been SO much easier than last year. I don’t know whether I’m just more prepared mentally or whether my body has just adjusted better, but either way I feel in a much happier place with it.
 
So anyway, that’s me for another post (it’s fast-approaching 21:00 which means it’s almost my bed time) but hopefully this gives people a bit of an insight into the daily life of a bodybuilder on prep. It’s not glamorous, it’s not exciting but do you know what, I wouldn’t have it any other way right now.
 
Thanks for reading. Goodnight.

Sunday, 22 January 2017

3 weeks down. The story so far.

It’s 3 weeks today since my preparations began for my first competition of 2017. 3 weeks down and 18 weeks to go. It seems like a very long prep when you say 21 weeks and in reality it is a very long prep; one thing I swore never to do again after my first season competing in 2016. Saying that, I also swore I’d never hit the stage again in the build up to NPA Yorkshire 2016 and here I am preparing for season two so lesson number one is never say never.
 
In actual fact prep was supposed to be 18 weeks long and starting tomorrow with the first 3 weeks of the year being used to clean up the diet really; mainly of sugary foods that I over-indulged with over Christmas. However when 1 January came around I found it hard to draw the line with what I was and was not allowed to eat (in my mind) so as it happened prep pretty much got underway from the New Year with kcal and macro tracking daily and only good, nutritious, wholesome foods in my diet.
 
So how’s it been so far? Non-descript would probably be the word to use (of all the word choices out there haha). The reason being is that at this stage it is what is really. I find it a bit of a frustrating stage in all honesty as the first couple of weeks are a welcome change. You happily wave goodbye to the mountains of chocolate, biscuits and party food that were constantly on offer over the festive period and welcome good, nutritious foods that your body wants and needs. Week 3 hits and you wonder what on earth you were thinking and think about all the Quality Street you didn’t eat and that extra piece of Christmas cake that you turned down. Damn it. It’s also too early to see any real, solid changes in your figure so that’s why I find it a bit of a frustrating period and I remember I felt the same last year too.  
 
Clearly I’m talking purely from my own personal experience and I imagine for many bodybuilders out there you’re probably still in the ‘ooh yum veggies’ phase. Unfortunately that phase passes far too quickly for my liking and the fat girl inside me just starts screaming out for the sugar rush. It’s safe to say I will never really enjoy the diet phase of bodybuilding. I absolutely adore my nice food and it’s a HARD 5 months for me in the build up to competition. It’s only because my willpower is unquestionable that I get through it and because I’m very disciplined. I know what needs to be done and I do it, it’s as simple as that.
 
 
Training legs last week
 
 One of my best friends is a bodybuilder too and generally she finds the diet easier than I do in that she doesn’t get as intense cravings for things, well especially not at this early stage anyway. I have a major sweet tooth and as with most things in life, when I know I can’t have something I want it more so it makes for very testing times but I always keep my eyes on the prize. Even last weekend I had a bad few days mentally with a few things and it really made me question whether I wanted another year of competing, living such a restricted lifestyle and making so much sacrifice. I have these times now and again and I know when I do I just need to shut off for a couple of days, have some time to myself and get my head back re-focused. This year it’s easier in that sense because I remind myself of the elation of last year’s competition and I know it’s all worthwhile.
 
Anyway enough of the whinging as overall my body feels on top form. The body certainly feels better for getting lots of goodness inside it and I’ve felt more energised, stronger and fitter in my training and I am starting to see very small progress in the shape of my body the last few days. The fat on my stomach is slowly starting to shift and on the back of my legs (the two places it seems to hit first when I put on a few pounds). It’s those small bits of progress that keep me motivated and as you pass week 3 I tend to find I see those developments more so it eases the frustration.
 
 
January 2016 to January 2017. The start of both preps.
 
 
In terms of my diet I’m currently on 1,800kcals per day. This is the same as what I was on for the latter stages of my off-season and given I’m only small in height, this is plenty for my muscles to keep growing but without putting on weight. My macro breakdown at the moment is 40% protein, 40% carbs and 30% fats. We want to try and keep my carbs pretty high for as long as possible to make sure I’m still able to train well and keep my muscles pumped. I’m training 6 times a week at the moment, 5 of those hypertrophy training and 1 cardio based Bootcamp which is something I did throughout off-season.
 
At this stage I’m not adding in any additional cardio other than if I go out walking on a weekend. We will save that for later on in prep when I need to get leaner. I’m allowing myself a weekly re-feed at the moment, generally on a weekend. Up until this weekend that’s been a clean meal still but just more of it really. This weekend however I went away for the weekend so I did allow myself a steak baguette and fries last night. I also had a tiny piece of birthday cake. All of which I fitted into my 1,800 kcals for the day and just compensated with my other meals for breakfast and lunch.  
 
One good thing about being in my second prep season is that my coach and I know more about what works for my body and what doesn’t based on last year. My body reacts well to a weekly re-feed and until the latter stages of prep that doesn’t always have to be 100% clean. So I’ll see how I go week by week for now, I’ll be having a weekly re-feed but whether that will be a clean re-feed or a cheat meal re-feed I’ll assess each week based on how I feel. Our aim is to drop 1lb per week on average which will bring me in nicely into my first competition at the end of May. So far, 3.1lb loss so pretty much perfect progress.
 
 
 
 
One thing I’m aware of this year is comparing to fellow bodybuilders. Last year being my first year I knew pretty much nobody that competed and it was good in the sense that you didn’t see what everyone else was doing which I do think helps because naturally when you do know a lot of people on prep, as I do this year, it’s easy to think oh maybe I should be doing that or maybe I should stop doing this etc. I’m also very aware that I want this blog to continue to be an honest and raw account of my bodybuilding life and last year was very much that. This year I am aware that I have fellow bodybuilders who read my blog so some may read and disagree with some things that I do.
 
I think it’s important for everyone to remember, whether you’re a bodybuilder or not, that everyone is different and what works for one, won’t necessarily work for another and whilst the end goal is the same, there are plenty of routes along the way so you should never feel pressure from other people. It’s something I keep in mind when following bodybuilders on social media, to remain non-judgemental as just because they might be doing something different to me, it doesn’t mean I’m right and they’re wrong and vice versa.
 
So, 3 weeks down and 18 weeks to go. Overall feeling pretty good. No major issues too far (apart from craving a bar of Dairy Milk as I type this) and more determined than ever to make 2017 an awesome year on that stage.
 
Thanks for reading. Hope you’ve all had awesome weekends.